So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
