i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
