We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
