i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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