If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
