just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
