dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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