apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
