You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
