apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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