We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
