You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
