you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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