Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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