i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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