she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
