Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize