so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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