i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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