tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
