Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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