so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
