Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
