I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
