I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
