We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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