I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
