Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
