when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
