I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
