This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
