When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
