Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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