I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
