i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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