yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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