It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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