DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
