my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
