i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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