I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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