I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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