Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
