she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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