That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
