i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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