Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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