Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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