I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
