apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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