you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
