dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
