So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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