The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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