I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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