I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
