She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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