I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
