I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Please don't give away my fajitas
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
