Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
