Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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