see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
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he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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