soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sext me about skeletons
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
