dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We were destined to go to rehab together
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
