Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
