somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
