New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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