btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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