Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
