You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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