at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
