Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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