that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
