you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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